my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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