That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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