You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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