I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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