just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
