This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
