im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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