she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So here I am, sexting at work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
