Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
