i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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