i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
