eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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