His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
