South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Randomize
