If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
