Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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