Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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