Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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