Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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