My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
