Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
