:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
