i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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