I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your cock deserves a montage
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
