just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
