My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They took my balls.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My bed smells like the plague
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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