I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
