No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
