Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
