So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Operation Purity has been aborted
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
