WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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