lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize