I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
