Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
