The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
