Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
