I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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