Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
