gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
