The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
