i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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