She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
