We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
please come you make the beer taste better
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
