whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
