So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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