I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize