Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
