nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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