hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this boner is exhausting
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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