Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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