Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
