We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize