I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
