sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
