I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
