she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
