you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
