I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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