help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
