are you still at the devil's house?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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