4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
