bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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