i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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