I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
