Screwed.edu
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
