2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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