Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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