I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
