The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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