I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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