Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
