Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
