I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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