i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
