So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
