Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
