is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
