i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
