I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He better not be in your backpack
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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