So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
