it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ketchup is God's man juice
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
