Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize