i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
