i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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