She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
