i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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