i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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