based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
