just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
