and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
