He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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