You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
