im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
