When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
