so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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