Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
