How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's blow job season.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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