I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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