My liver just broke up with me...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
