i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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