oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
